The award for Worst Excuse Ever goes to...

A true friend is someone you can go to for advice that you can count on, regardless of the situation.  While I don't condone his fictional choices, Ricardo "RikRok" Ducent was caught messing around with the girl next door, and wasn't sure what to do next.  Confused, he called his friend Shaggy to plan his next move...and what we got was this:

When in doubt, according to Shaggy, the best thing to do is deny, deny, deny.  And that's what he advised RikRok to do, when together, they released the 2000 single "It Wasn't Me."  RikRok, of course, is concerned that his girlfriend is going to rightfully end their relationship, especially since she has a ton of evidence, including video footage of the incident happening!  Shaggy underestimates her intelligence, however, seeming convinced that RikRok can get away with this by merely saying "it wasn't me" to her.  He lists a bunch of reasons why it'll work, but I'll be honest - I'll be damned if I can understand a single one of them.  In fact, I had to look up the lyrics just to see what he was saying.  Here's part of Shaggy's plan to convince her of the lie:

make sure she knows it's not you and lead her on da right prefix
whenever you should see her make da giggolo flex
as funny as it be by you, it not that complex
seein is believin so you better change your specs 

I had no idea that's what he was saying until right now.  And after reading it, I'm still not sure what he's trying to say here.  Is this even saying anything at all?  Shaggy could be my best friend in the world, but if I'm in trouble, I'm not going to him to figure out what to do next.  I'd even go to a therapist who makes me seasick by looking at him over Shaggy.

Thankfully, RikRok came to his senses by the end of the song, and told Shaggy to forget it: his "reason made no sense at all."  Well no shit, Sherlock!  When someone finds marks on your body, hears things happening, and has video evidence of said acts, it's time to just fess up.  It's too bad America didn't come to their senses, though, as this song was somehow Shaggy's first #1 single.  Yes, THIS SONG WAS A NUMBER ONE SINGLE.  The thought of that makes my head hurt.

The best aspirin for that?  Ship this one off.  Maybe Shaggy's tricks will work in Abu Dhabi.


-Matt

I feel broken inside, that's for sure.

I don't even know where to begin.

Two years ago, I was getting set to go to Warped Tour, and much like this year, I was looking through the list of bands to see if there were any hidden gems.

Clearly, this was not one of them.

The name of the band...err...group...err...whatever they are is Brokencyde.  They appeared to have more support than almost any other band on the tour based on the comments that were left on their page.  It couldn't possibly be the worst thing I had ever heard, right?

Wrong.  "Freaxxx," the supposed hit single by Brokencyde is, without a doubt, the worst thing that has ever happened to music.  There's just so much wrong with this, from start to finish, that it's hard to describe, but that's what this blog is here for so I'm going to give it my best shot.

There is no reason, EVER, to combine these two genres of music.  Yes, it's so severe that I had to capitalize it, bold it, and italicize it.  Known around the world as "crunkcore," it's apparently dance music about partying and hooking up with loose women, with hardcore vocals which are generally found in the background.  It starts out with the hardcore screaming, and then goes onto auto-tuned lyrics about going to the club, drinking a bunch, and meeting some hookers (which they have to be to even remotely get interested in these two fucks) for what they consider to be a good evening.  Of course, they're in the streets (where people like this clearly come from), and dancing with low-rent strippers in front of expensive rental cars to get the following message across:  we know how to party.  Or something.

And then, of course, there's a pig.  I mean, why wouldn't there be a pig dancing with them?  Human-size pigs hang out at street parties all the time!

They go on to name some expensive brand names, since they obviously have money and these things are always meant to be associated with hardcore.  If these kids ever went within five miles of a hardcore show, they'd get their asses kicked.  I promise you that.

The song goes on and on and on and gets freakier and freakier with each passing second, but never actually gets good.  I challenge anyone to find anything, and I mean anything remotely appealing about this song.

But wait, just when you thought they'd stop at one song, they came back for more!

More animals, more hookers, more bad.  I made it through a minute of this before I had to shut it off.  It makes me want to scream at Brokencyde, their producers, their label, and their parents for this ever being created.

Guys, if you're going to do the party gimmick, do it right, and don't try to blend two genres of music that don't belong together while doing it.

Abu Dhabi's going to start to hate us soon, but hey, we can't have this shit over here.  I bet they'd like the beach anyway.

-Matt