The award for Worst Excuse Ever goes to...

A true friend is someone you can go to for advice that you can count on, regardless of the situation.  While I don't condone his fictional choices, Ricardo "RikRok" Ducent was caught messing around with the girl next door, and wasn't sure what to do next.  Confused, he called his friend Shaggy to plan his next move...and what we got was this:

When in doubt, according to Shaggy, the best thing to do is deny, deny, deny.  And that's what he advised RikRok to do, when together, they released the 2000 single "It Wasn't Me."  RikRok, of course, is concerned that his girlfriend is going to rightfully end their relationship, especially since she has a ton of evidence, including video footage of the incident happening!  Shaggy underestimates her intelligence, however, seeming convinced that RikRok can get away with this by merely saying "it wasn't me" to her.  He lists a bunch of reasons why it'll work, but I'll be honest - I'll be damned if I can understand a single one of them.  In fact, I had to look up the lyrics just to see what he was saying.  Here's part of Shaggy's plan to convince her of the lie:

make sure she knows it's not you and lead her on da right prefix
whenever you should see her make da giggolo flex
as funny as it be by you, it not that complex
seein is believin so you better change your specs 

I had no idea that's what he was saying until right now.  And after reading it, I'm still not sure what he's trying to say here.  Is this even saying anything at all?  Shaggy could be my best friend in the world, but if I'm in trouble, I'm not going to him to figure out what to do next.  I'd even go to a therapist who makes me seasick by looking at him over Shaggy.

Thankfully, RikRok came to his senses by the end of the song, and told Shaggy to forget it: his "reason made no sense at all."  Well no shit, Sherlock!  When someone finds marks on your body, hears things happening, and has video evidence of said acts, it's time to just fess up.  It's too bad America didn't come to their senses, though, as this song was somehow Shaggy's first #1 single.  Yes, THIS SONG WAS A NUMBER ONE SINGLE.  The thought of that makes my head hurt.

The best aspirin for that?  Ship this one off.  Maybe Shaggy's tricks will work in Abu Dhabi.


-Matt