I'm not exactly tickled pink by this song.

I blame the Y2K bug.

Back in 2000, the music world was introduced to Pink, a new pop singer straight out of the Philadelphia area.   Complete with pink hair (to match her name - so clever!), her first single, "There You Go," took over the airwaves for what seemed like an eternity, and sold enough copies that record executives thought it would be a good idea for her to keep making music and terrorizing the American public.

If none of that had ever happened, we never would have had to deal with this:

Somewhere between 2000 and 2008, Pink (now spelled P!nk, apparently) decided that Kool-Aid hair was no longer going to be her gimmick, and instead, she was going to be one tough bitch.  She proved her supposed-toughness in the single "So What," where she goes on and on and on and on and on about how she wants to start a fight with basically anyone who gets in her way.  Because she's one tough bitch, you see.  This all starts because her husband has left her/she left her husband/they're back together and angry at each other/whatever other fucking story they have for their relationship this week.  I only say this because he left...but he's in the video...but they're angry at each other...but then they're hugging it out...but then she's angry again.

I guess it's hard to control your emotions when you're one tough bitch.

But anyway, P!nk goes on to ask the listener to "check her flow" like she's Biggie or something, and goes on to tell another story of how she lost her table at a restaurant to Jessica Simpson, who hadn't been relevant since approximately...well....ever.  In fact, here are people that were more relevant than Jessica Simpson at the time:

But this is all OK, and do you know why?  Because not only is P!nk one tough bitch, but she's also a rock star!  That's right - it doesn't matter who gets in her way, and who she needs to fight, because she's a rock star!  She's got her rock moves!

...wait, what?  What the fuck are rock moves?  Sadly, P!nk never explains just what they are, and Webster's offers no explanation.  To be honest, the only rock moves I know are these:

Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah, P!nk, it's off to Abu Dhabi you go.  I can already hear her challenging me to a fight in my head...

-Matt

Oh how I miss the days...

...of going to a club, seeing a band play and watching every dumb ass overly generic, semi chubby chick swoon when the first couple of familiar notes to this song rang out. And I though to myself "Formula is perfect. Pleasing guitar tone, easy tempo, smooth melody. This is it, this is what I need to try and do. Write a ballad."

It wasn't an easy decision to come to. I mean especially after really piecing apart the words to get to the underlying message:

"Honey why are you calling me so late?"-Confusion. He's comfortable enough to call her honey but, caught of  guard by the hour she has decided to reach him.

"It's kinda hard to talk right now"-Odd, for a man who is concerned with the late night call. What could he possibly be doing?

"Honey why are you crying, is everything okay?"-Alarm. She is obviously upset. Maybe due to his rigorous touring schedule she missed her 4:45pm call right before show time and she felt like hearing his voice would get her through the night...what a great guy.

"I gotta whisper ?cause I can't be too loud"-Can this man get any sweeter?? He is concerned he might wake his roady who is only know by people as Mad Dawg, from his drug induced coma... thoughtful!!

"Well, my girl's in the next room"-.....



....HOLY CRAP HE'S BANGING 2 CHICKS AND ONE OF THEM DOESN'T KNOW IT!!!!

As I learned that this man was no saint and certainly no type of a role model I looked around the smoke filled bar and saw every chick in the place swooning and swaying as if they were thinking "When can I find a guy like that? He's so sensitive."

Again I say DUMB ASSES!!

This song is terrible, people that like this song are terrible, chicks that wave their cell phones at cover bands that play this song are terrible and the only thing that is worse than being  Nickelback is trying to be Nickelback. Hinder, I hate you.

I would like this song to be shot, dragged a quarter mile and then stuffed in a box tagged for Abu Dhabi without a return address never to be heard again. 

-Charlie

Words to make any woman swoon.

You got a body like the devil and you smell like sex. 
Whenever I'm approached by a young suitor, I like this to be the first words out of his mouth. 

You know, unless I'm looking for respect and a meaningful relationship. Like most women.

I had never heard "So Hott" by Kid Rock until my boyfriend's cover band decided to start playing it at bars. As it turns out, people love this song. It makes them dance. I must be a weirdo, because it makes me feel dirty.

I am positive that this song was written on the basis of a challenge for Kid Rock. Someone walked up to him and said "Dude, I don't believe that you're white trash." And as his way to prove this person wrong, he wrote this horrible song. Now we all have to suffer because of someone else's doubt. It always seems like one person ruins things for the masses, and now I'm going to ruin things for the population of Abu Dhabi by sending this gem over. 


-Rebecca

Who Gives A Hoot?

Owl City that is who. more specifically the song writer and performer  Adam Young  The steaming pile of diarrhea and focal point of this contribution is a little pile of word vomit known as Fireflies. There is not one song or video I think I hate more in the history of music and music videos..  I hate the lyrics, the synthesizer use, and that stupid whiny mo-fo's voice.  More than anything, I hate  people that proclaim this their favorite song.  To which i silently respond WHAT THE FUCK!? 

Let us start with an examination of some of these fine lyrics.

"You would not believe your eyes
If ten million fireflies (WTF?)
Lit up the world as I fell asleep
Cause they'd fill the open air
And leave tear drops everywhere (Not sure..)
You'd think me rude but I would just stand and
Stare" (Who would fucking?)

This Horrifying sight is what 10 MILLION FIREFLIES MIGHT LOOK LIKE 

If i looked out my fucking window and saw this I would shit my fucking pants!

But, I digress

Lets continue.

Cause I'd get a thousand hugs
From ten thousand lightning bugs (Not hugs from all of them)
As they tried to teach my how to dance
A foxtrot above my head
A sock-hop beneath my bed ( I was not aware that insects danced)
The disco ball is just hanging by a thread 

I am aware that our friend Adam wrote this song as he was trying to fall asleep one night, but it really seems like something my four year old nephew came up with .  You know one of those little kid, sitting in the tub songs we have all made up from time to time.  This song was also supposed to bring back he Synthesizer Pop movement. ( I guess Ke$ha is allegedly doing this too?)

Synth Pop is a funny things, here is a much better example of it.  Ok the lyrics aren't the best.  This song is classic!!

Lets make a comparison with "FireFlies"

Starts out with the crappy little music box beat, then this douche bag at the organ, clicks a button labeled  "magic" Oh good, maybe the song will stop now?! No.  This is just the beginning. Magic seems to mean all your lamps come on and toys come to life which reminds me of a horrible childhood memory.

(maybe this is why I hate the video so much)

The music video continues on in this fashion whiny voice guy + plus 1977 bed room + creepy toys wondering about = Horrible.  OH YEAH did I mention not one damn firefly int the whole production.  

I think this guy "Making himself believe that planet earth turns slowly" makes the song last longer. It just gets under my skin, until I feel compelled to comment on it ( Who put this on? lol).  Not once but twice has this comment been met with " THIS IS MY FAVORITE SONG."  

Which just makes me want to scream WHY?! OUT OF ALL THE INFINITE AMOUNTS OF MUSIC OUT THERE.  AMAZING SONGS! WHY IS THIS THE ONE THAT DOES IT FOR YOU!?

My conclusion, probably brain dead.  That is what I am sticking to.  So farewell creepy fireflies song and guy. (Why does he have so many fucking toys anyway?)  Abu Dhabi, I apologize again for this horrible fucking disgrace of a song!!!

----Angie