Saturday, December 31, 2011

Closing the box on 2011...

2011 wasn't exactly a banner year for music.  There was a LOT of bad stuff out there this year, attempting to destroy our eardrums and faith in the entire music industry all at once.

Thankfully, you have us, the Abu Dhabi Box Committee, to clean things up and provide hope for the future that such atrocities are never heard from again.  In this SUPER MEGA POST, you'll hear from each member of the Committee, weighing in on what should be shipped off to the shores of Abu Dhabi from the past 365 days.

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Ladies and gentlemen. Children of most ages (if it's ok with your parents) I give you my submission for the Box to Abu Dhabi. First though I'd like to state that I love our country and one of the things I love most is that we are all given the right to speak our minds. Regardless of the topic at hand we were all lucky enough to be raised and to live in this land were it is ok to have an opinion. Having said that I give you my selection.

I do want to mention one more thing. I went on a research trip on YouTube just now through the Billboard Top 50 Charted songs for 2011 to make sure this was in fact my least favorite. Though there was a lot of shit, including F**k you Tonight by Enrique Iglesias and everything that Kesha or Britney "I'm a wash up and don't realize it" Spears did, I feel that this was a pile to be recognized all by itself.

I give you Adele "Someone like you"





It's Fucking Terrible!!!!!!

 I am so tired of people making this broad out to be some amazing talent. I've said it before and I'll say it again, if this voice was coming from someone that was a size 2 instead of a men's 36 she would have had one hit and would have been forgotten about. But NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! The media had to look at her and be like "WOOOOOO FATTY CAN SING!!!!!!" Now we're stuck with every pile of crap, I miss you but, I don't, love song this lady writes.

Now don't get me wrong I think she has some level of talent but, not the kind that justifies a rotation of this song every 1/2 fucking hour. Her voice is mediocre at best and honestly I would have been fine with one hit but, if the mainstream media is expecting me to entertain what they feel is the next big, force fed over produced piece of garbage, well I guess it's time to consider getting an XM account.

I will pay big money for the disappearance of this song. I want it rubbed out. And if that were to include dropping it into an unmarked box of some sort in order to be shipped to an area of the world that no one really knows about well than I guess accidents happen every day and people should be a little more careful when they stand so close to boxes.

-Charlie

P.S. Pitbull... You're the worst musician ever and I hope Beethoven, John Lennon, Michael Jackson, Jimi Hendrix, Bob Marley, Johan Sebastian Bach and what the hell even Left Eye all come back from the grave and go Walking Dead on your ass because I hate you.

That is all.
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Zakk Wylde. A well-known and respected guitar player. Ludacris. A well-known and respected rapper. Put the two together and what you should find is music magic.

...but it would appear that someone has poisoned the well.

Chad Kroeger. The well-known but not very respected front man for Nickleback. My Darkest Days. No one knows them, and anyone who does certainly does not respect them. They shit out a song they call "Porn Star Dancing" and put all of these other famous names on it. They then proceeded to only do the first verse and the chorus. Chad Kroeger performs the second verse, Zakk Wylde does the solo and Ludacris, well.. he does what Luda does. But even the good names added on to this song couldn't make it any good. Not even close to decent.



And for the record, strippers dance. Porn stars have sex on film. Just sayin.

- Rebecca
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Instead of going right into my pick for the worst song of the year, I'll let you hear the song that influenced my selection.


Yes, it's the timeless classic, "I've Had the Time of My Life," best known for its use in the movie Dirty Dancing.  While we never really heard from Bill Medley or Jennifer Warnes again, this track solidified their legacy. 

That is, until the Black Eyed Peas came along.



I'm not sure what made Will.I.Am and Fergie think this was a good idea, but in late 2010 (which means it was sadly played ad nauseum for the entirety of 2011), the Peas decided to get back together and release "The Time (Dirty Bit)."  At first, it sounds inoffensive enough - the synthesizer comes in, vaguely sounding like the original, to the point where you think it's simply going to be a cover.

But no, the Black Eyed Peas can never do things that easily, and out of nowhere, the most awkward transition comes into the song while someone decides to make the bold statement of "DIRTY BIT" and a really, really subpar dance track starts up.  As you see in the video, the viewer is whisked off to some seedy underground dance club where everyone pixelates for no reason.  Sadly, that does not occur in reality, and the song continues.

The song goes on and on and on and on and on and on, talking about partying with freaky women and having a good time, which coincidentally, I am not doing while listening to the track.  Fergie is sure to chime in and let the listener know that if you didn't know previously, well, "now you know now."  Just what that means I'm not sure, but I guess I'm in the minority, because I sure don't know.

Somewhere, the careers of Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes are rolling in their graves, and the people themselves are just rolling somewhere (as I don't believe they're dead), wondering why they're rolling.  I'm not sure the Peas could have made the song any worse if they had tried, and trust me, I'm sure they did.  

This song gets a fresh start for the new year, however, as it's off to Abu Dhabi.  I hope it has the time of its life while it's there, as I'm sure I will never hearing it again.

-Matt

1 comment:

  1. I'm weeping. Weeping from pure laughter...

    ReplyDelete