The world is full of bad music, and it's about time that someone comes along to isolate it all to one location - Abu Dhabi. Meet nine NEPA 20-somethings concerned with the direction that music is going in, and are hoping to put a stop to it before it gets out of hand.
It's been a while since I've written one of these things - let's see if I can still bury some bad music.
I mean, it shouldn't be too hard - there's a ton of stuff that's come out since I've packed something away in the Box that should be shipped out, hopefully to never be heard from again. 2013 and 2014 have been a wealth of awful, so it was difficult to pick just one song that needed my immediate attention. Yet, through all the Kanyes and Avrils and songs about Air Jordans (which, trust me, someone on the staff will get to sooner or later), one sticks out like a bad Instagram post that you just can't look away from.
The name of the song is #SELFIE, and is by a group called The Chainsmokers, which I literally just learned right before writing this post. It appears that #CRACK is what they've been chainsmoking if they think this #MESS is any good. Here's the basic premise behind the song - this girl is #DRUNK, and is just rambling on and on and on about who knows what. None of the "lyrics" really seem to go together at any point - it's a huge disjointed #DISASTER of a song. The narrator (because I'm sure as hell not going to call her a singer) raises some very important questions in this song - for example, "What filter should I use?", "Jason just texted me - should I go home with him?", and the often-debated "Who goes out on Mondays?" Riveting stuff, I know.
What the song does teach me is this - the way to approach any situation, good or bad is to first take a #SELFIE. She doesn't mean just any #SELFIE, either - it has to be a #GOODSELFIE. In fact, ten likes in five minutes isn't good enough, as it's enough to make her considering taking it down and replacing it with another one. If at first you don't #SUCCEED, I guess...
I think my biggest concern with this song is that people like this must exist somewhere in this world. While I do keep myself informed on popular music (obviously, as I unfortunately know what this is), I tend not to put myself into situations where I may encounter whatever this type of person is. And I don't like the reminder.
With all that said, it's off to Abu Dhabi you go. And no, you can't take a #SELFIE first.
Hey Folks. Long time no read, eh? It's Irish Kev and I'm ready to bury a bitch. Well not physically but this next nominee for the box sure made it tempting.
Australia: the majestic outback. A land of danger, wonder, tough as nails inhabitants, and unfortunately some people who go out of their way to suck. Dammit, almost there. Let's talk about what the world loves or should love about the land down under before I turn your stomach.
This is Tim Cahill. A soccer legend for Australia. He played this year in the World Cup for the men's national Australian soccer team whom have single handedly won the respect and support of every country except the countries they were pitted against. He's also plays midfield for the New York Red Bulls, has the fastest goal in MLS history and respects the fans, not to mention visits children's hospitals on his off-time. Good dude!
And this! If you don't know who this is, don't read this fucking blog anymore.
There's a couple more, but you get the idea. There is awesome things that come out of Australia.
Then...
Then the bad. Massive Great White Shark population. I fucking hate sharks. Also home of the deadliest animals in the world. Poisonous reptiles and bugs, crocodiles, fuck I'm even pretty sure some of the plants can kill you. So you must be a bad ass to live there right? Not in ALL cases. What I'm about to show you is scarier than any deadly Australian animal
Readers of this blog, I bring you this abomination of society. It's name is Iggy Azalea. It's a chick. The only person that should be allowed to have that 1st name is the lead singer of The Stooges. Not this hoe. As a man with a pulse, I will say she's not ugly. But having looks doesn't mean you can't be a sucky, talentless, slutty human being and get away with it. Watch for yourself. Ugh...
She's so slutt-ay, you already know. If you didn't know, you're ass better call somebody (get the pun anyone? Anyway.). I'll be honest, I got to the part of the video where the singing chick says "Let's get drunk on the mini-bar". Which in reality of good taste is way too far and extremely risky. After getting the link to this video on YouTube, I quickly got out of the tab so my computer avoids viruses...or crabs....
Let's examine shall we. A rip off of the movie, Clueless. Stupid. I remember watching that movie with a girl I liked from high school, and I wanted to kill myself. If you've heard this song before the music video, I know for a fact you said "Great. A shitty collaboration between Missy Elliott and Gwen Stefani. Oh wait, it's two scrawny Australian and English chicks? Now I'm confused." The chick singer you just burned your ears with is Charlie XCX. She looks like the psychotic stalker character, Morello from "Orange is the New Black", she's not really a "star", her name looks like it should be a late 80's straightedge hardcore band and she's the drizzling shits. End of story. Let's talk about the main reason why I posted this blog. Iggy "let's see how much of a hoe who thinks she can rap I can be" Azalea. She's Australian which takes away a bit of the country's credibility. Come on Aussies, we have enough filth like that over here already, we could have took the hit for it and felt nothing for it at least. So anyway, this video, yeah pretty self explanatory. The lyrics are pretty much "I'm fancy in a dirty way, And terribly irresponsible. Apparently my rich parents aren't around, so I can call over other over-privileged cunt-wads for an underage drinking party so we can all look stupid together! By the way, I'm also ghetto fabulous." Lyrics also stating to get drunk off the mini bar is cheesy. 1st of all YOU are paying for the expenses of that because we all know if you drink, you avoid that mini bar in a hotel room at all costs and I sure as hell aren't paying for your scuzzy asses. Iggy's voice also sounds like a large black woman. Sorry ladies, I know that was rude to black women everywhere, but it's the truth. This bitch stood up one day, and thought she could rap. Record execs that she would be the next Gwen Stefani with "street cred" and looks so pushed her with 100% effort. Now the music world is stuck with this. Usual procedures these days. Can you believe this broad while playing live, stage dove into the crowd and someone tried to finger her? Yes, I do. I do because she is a hoe, and with the lyrics and videos you put out, what type of fucking people do you think you'd attract? In closing of Iggy I have 2 suggestions. 1.) Stop pretending to know how to rap. 2.) take a bath. You're shaming your home country.
Speaking 0f shame, in high school, when you think of music from down under, you thought of Silverchair, those 3 grungy dudes that softened up their sound and disappeared. Oh, their country still holds them relevant, and here's what they're doing now. Make it through 30 seconds of this and I'll give you a dollar. It's awful..You're welcome.
So as you can see, in every part of the world, someone tries very hard to suck, or continue sucking. That's why our mission here is to send sucky people worldwide to Abhu Dhabi where they would hopefully rot. In some Australian people's case, with their land being full of the deadliest animals in the world, I simply urge you that you do the world a favor by the following. Walk out of your house, looks towards the wild, walk out about 30 feet, and let Mother Nature take it's wicked course. Make sure you get it on camera so I can watch. Fuck it, I'll even have a Fosters while you're at it. So on second thought, don't go to Abhu Dhabi, just go for a hike, right where you're at. "That's nut a nuife. Now thets a nuuuiiife!!!"
Sorry, I had to get that in somewhere.
My final advice is, take the good with the bad. Cherish and respect the treasure of every continent and shove the bad through a blender, or in this case, let a crocodile rip it to pieces.
