Queen of the "D"

            Once many years ago I was a little girl lost in the dark underworld of being a lonely goth ( who weirdly enough was surrounded by goth friends, so not so lonely, maybe?) So I lived my life on the darker side, my baggy pants made me look like a short round, and my burgundy hair didn't look that great but damn it I knew what I loved and that was METAL.  Nu Metal to be more specific, I know, I know, its barely metal, but I was alone on this journey of musical discovery, with only Korn and Linkin Park to guide me.
            During this time period in my life a little movie called Queen of the Damned came out, loosely based on the Anne Rice novel.  I ate that up with a fucking spoon, I loved that movie, bought the poster, had the soundtrack, it could do no wrong.  I watched it literally hundreds of times and endlessly played the sound track. Which was essentially Korn, Linkin Park, Manson, Papa Roach thrown in for good measure. So I didn't give this movie much thought for a long time after reaching adulthood.  I would occasionally pop the soundtrack in and just let it go, but I guess never really paid attention to it. 
             About one month ago I watched the movie, alone, and it fucking sucked, bad. Like real bad. To sum it up, Lestat is not the bad ass I know and love from interview with a vampire, hes a whiny bitch.  Crying about living forever, being alone, and all the while being a Rock Star.  I guess he's bummed because unlike Twilight vampires, he can't have sex?  So he writes all these songs, plays them with a shitty band, meets a girl, with no character basis except that she likes him? I guess.  There is a weird subplot with her that makes no fucking sense because its jumbled from book to movie. (who is meant to be replaced with any goth girl in the world, this explained why I loved the movie, because what good goth girl doesn't want to walk into the eternal night with a Vampire LUV) Vampires want to kill him because he is a narc, So any way they beat the bad Queen, he makes her vampire and the walk into the night to a progressive ballad.
               So after realizing what a poor showing the movie is I decided tonight to listen to the soundtrack, wow, its like its just trying so hard!

Oh yeah there was actual bizarre music videos in the movie, here are some lyrics, if the video is too much for you.

I'm over it
You see I'm falling in the vast abyss
Clouded by memories of the past
At last, I see ....
We fear them finding
Always whining
Take my hand now
Be alive...
You see I cannot be forsaken
Because I'm not the only one
We walk amongst you...
Must we hide from everyone?

This song in particular is about being a vampire, being alone, and having to hide who you really are.
Sounds like a bummer right?
See the parallel?



The whole sound track is pretty much like that.
Its lame.  So Abu Dhabi, I give you the gift that keeps on giving , The Queen of the Damned Soundtrack, with original songs like Slept so long (this one was my fave ha-ha), Forsaken, Redeemer, System and including Dead Cell and Down With the Sickness, how could it not be!?  I can't say I won't ask for it back from time to time when I want to relive my youth or if I am on a really long solo road trip, apart from those two situations I never want to hear this crap again!. Deuces!-Ang

The most inappropriately titled song ever.

Around this time every year, I decide to be a glutton for punishment and take a look at the lineup for Warped Tour. You'd think I would have learned my lesson after the Brokencyde Incident of 2011, but sadly, that was not the case on this chilly, dreary Sunday morning in NEPA.

Now before we get started, let me make one thing clear - I know that it's not 2000 anymore, and that Warped Tour now offers a wider variety of music to a more diverse listening audience. It's not "punk rock" anymore (whatever that even means). Instead, it features everything from hardcore to metal-ish stuff to hip hop to dubstep (don't even get me started on THAT) to yes, occasionally, a little bit of punk.

No, seriously, only a little. Goldfinger is on the tour this year for eight days.

With that said, I can't even begin to excuse what you're about to watch being involved in Warped Tour.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you "BEST SONG EVERRR" by Wallpaper.. No, the double punctuation at the end of the sentence is not a typo - Wallpaper. is apparently a complete sentence. Don't get me wrong - I'm all about proper grammar and punctuation, but turning your "band" name into a one-word sentence is hardly the BEST PUNCTUATION EVERRR.

That's not the most ridiculous thing happening here though, as the song does a pretty good job at being the BEST RIDICULOUSLY TERRIBLE SONG EVERRR. The video begins as Wallpaper. (I guess that's his proper name?) appears out of nowhere, materializing out of confetti in what he would surely call the BEST CONCEPTION EVERRR. Wallpaper. makes his way through the party, and is clearly cast as the guy no one wants there as the other party guests get more and more annoyed as he goes along. I'm glad to see that my sentiments are shared by others.

So the song progresses, going on and on and on and on and on and on and on about how all of the people around are the BEST PEOPLE EVERRR, and how his Spanish-speaking skills are not the BEST SPANISH-SPEAKING SKILLS EVERRR, but it never does realize its potential as the BEST SONG EVERRR as Wallpaper. predicts. This song, to me, is like what would happen if LMFAO and Asher Roth had a baby, and while the confetti conception earlier was the BEST CONCEPTION EVERRR, this one would not share the same fate.

As the song progresses, the other partygoers start to accept Wallpaper. and start to dance and sing with him. Of course, accepting bad things into your life comes with negative consequences, and by the end of the song, the other guests are now vomiting confetti. I'll admit - towards the end of the song, I wanted to vomit too, but I don't think confetti would have been what was coming out if I did. The video ends in the BEST WAY EVERRR (if it were reality), as the whole thing just explodes back into confetti and disappears.

Well, maybe exploding into confetti isn't the most ideal solution here, but the explosion part works for me.

My message to the organizers of Warped Tour - peel the Wallpaper. off the set list and get back to the good music.

Was that the BEST JOKE EVERRR? Absolutely not, but it's still better than what we all just listened to. Off to Abu Dhabi you go!

-Matt