The world is full of bad music, and it's about time that someone comes along to isolate it all to one location - Abu Dhabi. Meet nine NEPA 20-somethings concerned with the direction that music is going in, and are hoping to put a stop to it before it gets out of hand.
A few years back, I saw the musical "Spring Awakening" in its original run. The talent of all of these young actors and singers really blew me away. I always hope that people with this kind significant ability are successful in their own right, but stay true to their craft. Unfortunately, our leading lady that night, Lea Michele, did not do that.
A few years later, I was told that I "MUST" watch "Glee." I have seen bits and pieces, and really can't stand it for quite a few reasons. 1) I was in a Glee Club once, and no one cared about anything we did, let alone thought we were cool for it. 2) They cover songs that suck and somehow make them equally as sucky. I wish the cast of "Glee" would stop making music and get cancelled, but unfortunately, the music cover show is popular among people of all ages. Because the majority of the people out there would rather watch someone like Lea Michele sing Katy Perry tunes instead of something like this.
Abu Dahbi, please take this group of 30 year old teenagers and keep them forever.
I, Christian Elliott Decker, 26 year old married man, payer of rent, 40 hour a week job haver & tax playing citizen, enjoy ska music.
Pick it up Mother Fucker.
It all started in high school, and I had gone threw all of my phases at one point. I was into straight up rock music at one point (which at the time was a lot of LIMP BIZKIT) then I did the retro 90's phase of listening to nothing but Nirvana, Alice In Chains and Mudhoney (because if I learned one thing, listening to those cool bands from Seattle that didn't make it was a good way to score scene points). I slowly got into a Dave Matthews transitioning into indie rock (around the time the band "The Vines" were cool) and right before I dove right into that indie rock pool, a friend of mine asked me "Hey man, you like SKA~!?" I answered with "Yeah...it's pretty good" - fast forward 2 years later I was literally getting measure for my CHECKER BOARD TATTOO before I realize I did not have the cash to get said tattoo. Being in a ska band and being surrounded by the scene puts you in the position to listen to some of the best and worst bands in the genre. I'll never forget going to Bloomfield Ave Cafe to see The Arrogant Sons of Bitches which was a precursor to Bomb The Music Industy! which is going strong right now, and just being amazed at how awesome A.S.O.B was, only to remember early in the night seeing one of the worst bands (and Ska related puns) ever; Pirates of the SKAribbean.
In between the best and the worst that night, there was one other band that played. They were a Wisconsin band by the name of I Voted for Kodos (a name taken from a quite popular Simpsons "Treehouse of Horror" episode). I had believe it or not heard of this band, due to the pivotal ska website www.turnuptheska.com which was a site where the bands songs were just listed...you pick a song you wanna hear....and over your winamp music player the song would play after other people's songs were done playing. This website was a very very very early sort of Slacker Radio in many ways. Anyhow, I had heard them through this medium, and of course my 17 year old self was really into their popular concert anthems like "She Hates Ska" "Pastaroni" "Where Are We Going To" & "Todd."
So after seeing them live and enjoying dancing in circle pits and so on, I went to their merch table and I bought their debut album "Close Enough For Ska" and their EP "Not Penis Cream." I was so excited about having seen these guys. A fun live show, cool merch, great stories, the things that great concerts are made of. These CDs became a staple of my iPod for the next few years my computer was wiped and I never added it back on...until I added them back the other day. Now 7 years since seeing them in concert, I listened to that first album, the one that go me hooked to their music and I realized...
THEY ARE OBSESSED WITH REEL BIG FISH.
LEGIT...THEY WROTE A SONG ABOUT IT.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with liking a band and trying to emulate their style. I personally always, when writing ska or reggae tunes, emulated a lot from the band The Slackers just due to how they articulate the horns and the rhythm section and their lyrics. Plenty of famous musicians have been inspired by other musicians. Without Bob Marley, there would be no Sublime, without The Beatles we wouldn't have Oasis, without Dr. Demento we wouldn't have "Weird" Al Yankovic. The list goes on and on. But in all of these cases, not one of them wrote a song about BEING THE LEAD SINGER OF THE BAND.
Exhibit A- "Wish I Was Aaron"
and all the kids are jumping up and down been so long since I've seen a rude boy in this town 'cause he traded in his strips for a Hawaiian shirt he's got his new Doc Martin's to kick the dirt, well I'm not old school (but I still wear my chucks) Probably always will ('cause our band really sucks) Want to make it big (is that so bad?) Want to be Reel Big Fish
Wish I was Aaron, I'd take the stage All the little girl's would be amazed And the kids would listen to every word I say Wish I was Aaron (and I wish I was Scott)
.....the song continues like this the whole rest of time, occasionally spitting out random RBF lyrics in turn with their own song. And it just get's creepy after a while. And the worst part is that this isn't even the first Reel Big Fish reference on the album. There's one earlier which is way less creepy but still, calling out some dude in a band by his first name without knowing him is still strange. And besides there is already a Reel Big Fish rip-off band.
Anyone order a ska band of Theater Majors? Anyone?
Also I noticed something else. One of the standout songs is a internet love story full of all the fun computer lingo that you could handle in one song.
Exhibit B- "HTTP://www.dumped.com"
But then you didn't LOL anymore
You didn't BRB for more And every time talked You always seemed to get, disconnected (yeah right)
I can still remember, when I got your e-mail,
Subject I'm seeing another guy You said he was six foot two, Two hundred twenty five pounds, but his profiles probably a lie All night long I cried and wept, it hurt like a deep cut I hope he gives you some type of horrible virus you cyber slut
I'm going to fill all of your inboxes with spam
I'm going to disable your norton virus scan You're going to live to regret this for many years Because you messed with an engineer
Http://www.dumped.com
If that wasn't bad enough. the chorus repeats the URL address. as in...
"AYECH TEE TEE PEE COLON SLASH SLASH DOUBLEUDOUBLEUDOUBLEU DOT DUMPED DOT CAHM"
Have you ever tried to say 3 Ws in a row? If you are just saying the URL from the Ws and the word in the middle only having one consonant, you can say the address in a not 4/4 time scheme.
BUT WHEN YOU FUCKING SAY THE WHOLE THING OUT YOUR Ws SOUND LIKE YOU HAVE MARBLES IN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH. IT SOUNDS LIKE WW.DUMPED.COM
Not exactly marbles but you get the idea.
So these two things specifically drove me fucking nuts listening to this album. And than once you find little cuts in the fabric, things start to become unraveled. I start listening to how their horns sound. Their alto was too loud, how the tone on their guitar sounds, how the lyrics on one song are super serious, and then the next song is about a girl in his Calc Lecture class. I hate back and forth feelings of total WACKINESS and then deathly serious. And in the genre of Pop-Ska, there are so many other bands that I still listen to that just do it so much better.
In the end, what my real problem I think was after I saw the concert in 2005, they quickly changed genres. They became a Power Pop band, released one more full length of Power Pop shit, and even than STILL referencing Reel Big Fish with the first track on the album called "Turn The Radio On". They alienated their fan base (me included) and they broke up in 2007. Very much a story of a band for lack of a better term "selling out" trying to make more money by following another scene. It made me bitter cause I liked them a lot. But listening back now I can honestly say they were not very good. But it takes me back to that day of being in that small punk rock club, skankin' like a mofo, singing along every word of most of the bands there and just enjoying my late teenagehood.
I guess when it comes right down to it, I am throwing "Close Enough For Ska"-The entire album by I Voted For Kodos in their because, even though it's an independent album on an independent label, it's still really not that good. It is littered with things that make the ska scene bad. Terrible references to rude boys and Vans sneakers. A shout out to The Specials, and plenty of "Pick it up's" to make all those Jamaican MC's happy. Along with other great teenage drama issues like lonliness and being in the friend zone, which was something that my recently graduated self in 2005 could still understand. But if you just want to listen to songs in the same genre, do yourself a favor and check out the "Real" thing: Reel Big Fish, Five Iron Frenzy, Save Ferris, Goldfinger, MU330, Catch 22. And if you ask me, if you wanna check out real good ska still, definitely check out The Slackers, David Hillyard and the Rocksteady 7, Chris Murray, Bomb The Music Industry! Streetlight Manifesto, The Planet Smashers and of course The Pietasters. So Committee, throw IV4K in the box....but let me keep my copy. I may wanna relive those memories occasionally.
Welcome to the Committee's first post for National Blog Posting Month, or, as abbreviated, NaBloPoMo. Try saying that five times fast. Hell, try saying it once. I bet you can't.
Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a huge fan of rap, but there are two kinds that I do enjoy as a guilty pleasure: rap songs that don't take themselves seriously at all, and rap songs that take themselves way too seriously.
Tonight's entry falls under the second category.
Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to Mystikal. At the turn of the century, Mystikal made his name with the "hit" (which will come into play later, trust me) "Shake Ya Ass," or, as known in the radio-friendly profanity-free world, "Shake It Fast." This song is infamous for its instructions to shake your ass, but watch yourself, which in reality, is VERY hard to do.
In this post, we'll look at the second single from the record.
This gem is called "Danger (Been So Long)," and featured the up-and-coming-meaning-never-heard-from-again R&B singer Nivea. The video begins with Mystikal wandering through the desert, seemingly trying to find his way out. This is an intense, dangerous situation, and he lets you know of this by SCREAMING AS LOUD AS HE CAN INTO THE CAMERA OVER AND OVER AGAIN. And as if the screaming wasn't enough, he makes sure to strike some really weird poses while yelling. That's gotta be way too much exertion for someone who's trying to get out of the desert alive.
For the record, I'd try to tell you what the song is about, but I can't understand a single word the guy says, other than "WATCH YO'SELF!" which ties it to "Shake Ya Ass" and makes me wonder what his fascination with people watching themselves is.
My exertion theory is proven as Mystikal falls face-first into the sand. Is he dead? No, I don't think so. Is the song at least over? Nah, we're not that lucky. Instead, some girl (scantily-clad, of course - I mean, this IS the desert) shows up on a motorcycle to bring our hero to safety. Here, they encounter more danger, as I'm sure that driving a motorcycle on sand is not safe. She brings him to this very-well-populated-for-being-in-the-middle-of-the-desert bar, which, of course, has about eight thousand hookers in it. And of course, they all want to grind all over Mystikal, which is a request he fulfills. There's more shouting and mumbling, perhaps about one of his concerts? He claims there's a crowd around the block - maybe that's just for refunds due to people who realized they bought a ticket to see Mystikal. As for his music, he is sure to clarify that "if I tell you it's a hit, then that's just what it is!"
Here, I thought I knew music better than that.
This whole thing wraps up with Mystikal awakening in the desert, realizing that the whole thing was a mirage. It's unfortunate that I can't do the same. Abu Dhabi is within spitting distance of a great number of deserts, so this one should feel right at home there.
Well, well, hello folks and welcome to another installment of "Box to Abu Dhabi" brought to you by Irish Kev and boy oh boy have I got a gem for you! If you haven't seen this yet, wait no more! I'll just fire this baby off to you first, then I'll break it down for you...Brace Yourselves..You've been warned!
Holy mother of God. Did you get through all of that? If you did, congrats! If not, I truly don't blame you.The video starts out, with some guy sleeping on what looks to be a decently mopped checkerboard floor in a diner. What this represents in the beginning of the video, I wish there was some type of explanation, especially once you find out what exactly the song is about. No folks don't keep scratching your head, you'll carve the skin away, this whole video's a mystery leaving you pondering about many things. Just go with it. Oh snap here comes that dope ass hook, Yea. Uh. Yea. Whoa, look at these..gangstas? This T-Baby character looks familiar. I think I've seen her in my neighborhood slapping the shit out of her kid while walking him to the bus stop the other day. Anyway, looks like we have an awful attempt at a soulful chorus. Here I'm getting the notion that she thought up this part while in the shower. It didn't sound good then, didn't sound good when they recorded after. Or ever for that matter."Dead in the water"is the saying I will confidently label the chance of this song from any type of spot in a top 40 hip-hop chart, even 400. Moving along. Okay let's get this scene out of the way. Queue the traditional spilling of the 40's for their dead homies in 3..2..1..there we go. What? No 40 ounce bottles? Are those fucking dixie cups? Look, I know your budget probably wasn't that huge for this, but for a couple extra bucks you could have grabbed more than one bottle, hell maybe a big ass pack of those red plastic cups. I'm sure these ladies are far from weather forecasters but wherever "The D" is accurately located, but it does indeed sound like it's cold there. It's apparently there because her friends were killed in or on the streets. to know this was to supposed to be a serious memorial tribute song, sends chills down my spine. By the time you get halfway through this video you're wondering if their fallen friends and family are willing to rise from the great beyond to put a stop to this seemingly painful song AND video. Unfortunately we're all not that lucky. May I also point out that one of the lyrics in this song has her reminiscing of her and her friend "hanging and banging" which blatantly insinuates she is a possible hoe, or some of my friends would call a "chicken head". Yep, she looks like a chicken head alright. That or the Predator's sister. That's your opinion. Maybe just mine, I don't know. Moving along. You then see her and her friends dancing sluggishly to this continually annoying beat put together by a Casio keyboard and broken rhymes put in front of it. Talk about salt for your wounds, but yes you must admit you can't look away, much like a train wreck. If you keep your eye on the kid in the video, he stops dancing and starts talking to girl next to him. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that he's probably asking her when he could stop dancing in that random graveyard. Poor kid, it'll be over soon buddy. If you're even still listening to the song itself, the "rapping" isn't even in pace with the song anymore, and at this point, she's just talking. If you stuck around long enough for this whole video, you're on the floor laughing like I was.Well, that's all there is to this ballad of bad hooks, lyrics, timing, video quality, and entire time spent putting this abomination together.Oh well, all's well that ends well I suppose. Off to the desert wastelands you go! Peace out homies!
2011 wasn't exactly a banner year for music. There was a LOT of bad stuff out there this year, attempting to destroy our eardrums and faith in the entire music industry all at once.
Thankfully, you have us, the Abu Dhabi Box Committee, to clean things up and provide hope for the future that such atrocities are never heard from again. In this SUPER MEGA POST, you'll hear from each member of the Committee, weighing in on what should be shipped off to the shores of Abu Dhabi from the past 365 days.
Ladies and gentlemen. Children of most ages (if it's ok with your
parents) I give you my submission for the Box to Abu Dhabi. First though
I'd like to state that I love our country and one of the things I love
most is that we are all given the right to speak our minds. Regardless
of the topic at hand we were all lucky enough to be raised and to live
in this land were it is ok to have an opinion. Having said that I give
you my selection.
I do want to mention one more thing.
I went on a research trip on YouTube just now through the Billboard Top
50 Charted songs for 2011 to make sure this was in fact my least
favorite. Though there was a lot of shit, including F**k you Tonight by
Enrique Iglesias and everything that Kesha or Britney "I'm a wash up and
don't realize it" Spears did, I feel that this was a pile to be
recognized all by itself.
I give you Adele "Someone like you"
It's Fucking Terrible!!!!!!
I am so tired of people making this broad out to be some amazing talent. I've said it before and I'll say it again, if this voice was coming from someone that was a size 2 instead of a men's 36 she would have had one hit and would have been forgotten about. But NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! The media had to look at her and be like "WOOOOOO FATTY CAN SING!!!!!!" Now we're stuck with every pile of crap, I miss you but, I don't, love song this lady writes.
Now don't get me wrong I think she has some level of talent but, not the kind that justifies a rotation of this song every 1/2 fucking hour. Her voice is mediocre at best and honestly I would have been fine with one hit but, if the mainstream media is expecting me to entertain what they feel is the next big, force fed over produced piece of garbage, well I guess it's time to consider getting an XM account.
I will pay big money for the disappearance of this song. I want it rubbed out. And if that were to include dropping it into an unmarked box of some sort in order to be shipped to an area of the world that no one really knows about well than I guess accidents happen every day and people should be a little more careful when they stand so close to boxes.
-Charlie
P.S. Pitbull... You're the worst musician ever and I hope Beethoven, John Lennon, Michael Jackson, Jimi Hendrix, Bob Marley, Johan Sebastian Bach and what the hell even Left Eye all come back from the grave and go Walking Dead on your ass because I hate you.
That is all.
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Zakk Wylde. A well-known and respected guitar player. Ludacris. A well-known and respected rapper. Put the two together and what you should find is music magic.
...but it would appear that someone has poisoned the well.
Chad Kroeger. The well-known but not very respected front man for Nickleback. My Darkest Days. No one knows them, and anyone who does certainly does not respect them. They shit out a song they call "Porn Star Dancing" and put all of these other famous names on it. They then proceeded to only do the first verse and the chorus. Chad Kroeger performs the second verse, Zakk Wylde does the solo and Ludacris, well.. he does what Luda does. But even the good names added on to this song couldn't make it any good. Not even close to decent.
And for the record, strippers dance. Porn stars have sex on film. Just sayin.
- Rebecca
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Instead of going right into my pick for the worst song of the year, I'll let you hear the song that influenced my selection.
Yes, it's the timeless classic, "I've Had the Time of My Life," best known for its use in the movie Dirty Dancing. While we never really heard from Bill Medley or Jennifer Warnes again, this track solidified their legacy.
That is, until the Black Eyed Peas came along.
I'm not sure what made Will.I.Am and Fergie think this was a good idea, but in late 2010 (which means it was sadly played ad nauseum for the entirety of 2011), the Peas decided to get back together and release "The Time (Dirty Bit)." At first, it sounds inoffensive enough - the synthesizer comes in, vaguely sounding like the original, to the point where you think it's simply going to be a cover.
But no, the Black Eyed Peas can never do things that easily, and out of nowhere, the most awkward transition comes into the song while someone decides to make the bold statement of "DIRTY BIT" and a really, really subpar dance track starts up. As you see in the video, the viewer is whisked off to some seedy underground dance club where everyone pixelates for no reason. Sadly, that does not occur in reality, and the song continues.
The song goes on and on and on and on and on and on, talking about partying with freaky women and having a good time, which coincidentally, I am not doing while listening to the track. Fergie is sure to chime in and let the listener know that if you didn't know previously, well, "now you know now." Just what that means I'm not sure, but I guess I'm in the minority, because I sure don't know.
Somewhere, the careers of Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes are rolling in their graves, and the people themselves are just rolling somewhere (as I don't believe they're dead), wondering why they're rolling. I'm not sure the Peas could have made the song any worse if they had tried, and trust me, I'm sure they did.
This song gets a fresh start for the new year, however, as it's off to Abu Dhabi. I hope it has the time of its life while it's there, as I'm sure I will never hearing it again.
Imagine, if you can, two twin brothers with long flowing blonde hair, clad in leather and possibly bare chested... Sounds like a scene out of some raunchy romance novel or even the front cover imagery.
However, if you couple that with some less than epic ballad lyrics, you are in for a musical encounter with NELSON. Still can't picture it? Don't worry, there is photographic evidence of this crap.
Nelson formed in the 1990's and are probably best know for their song "(Can't Live Without Your) Love and Affection". They descend from Harriet & Ozzie Nelson, and Rick Nelson, and you would think with so much musical history in their family tree they maybe able to write better lyrics than "When you are done with being his Plan B, call me".
Unfortunately, these guys sound like nothing more than a bad Bon Jovi rip-off with an obsession with naming their albums after poor weather, "Before the Rain", "After the Rain", "The Perfect Storm" AND "Lighting Strikes Twice"... way to be creative.
Surprisingly these two are still making music and just released an album in 2010. Normally things get better with age, this is not the case with NELSON. The only thing that has changed is the length of their hair and the size of their waistlines.
For all these reasons and more, I would like to submit NELSON for a trip to Abu Dhabi.
-Cori
Every once in a while, a musician comes along that is so powerful, their name becomes bigger than music.
This is not one of those times, however. In fact, that's pretty impossible to do when nobody appears to know your name.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you The Ting Tings. Based out of the UK, the duo hit the mainstream music scene in 2008 with their debut album, We Started Nothing. It should be noted that according to Wikipedia (which is, of course, a wealth of important and highly accurate information), the album was officially released six days before it was leaked onto the Internet. They can't even get the proper order of "leak then release" correct.
Apparently, in their debut single "That's Not My Name," our lead singer has an issue where people seemingly forget her name all the time. They attempt to address her in a number of ways, including "Stacey," "Jane," and even names that aren't actually names like "hell" and "her."
What is her name, you may ask? That's the problem - she never actually tells us! Instead of identifying herself, she just tells us that everyone has guessed incorrectly, saying "that's not my name" over...and over...and over...AND OVER AGAIN. If you want us to call you by the right name, shouldn't you at least tell us what that name is? It seems pretty counterproductive if you ask me.
Others have tried this method of people not knowing who an artist is in the past, and believe it or not, it has not helped to get their name out there:
These days, nobody wants to know who Jimmy Ray is (though, in all fairness, it can be debated if anyone wanted to know then, either). Sadly, The Ting Tings have not followed Jimmy Ray down to the road to obscurity, as they are scheduled to have a new album released later this month.
Ironically enough, it currently doesn't have a name.
