We're gonna need a bigger boat.

Ah, yes. Do you remember the late 90’s? If you were alive during that time and flipped on the radio, you would’ve been treated with what has been labeled “rapcore.” With the many failings of that name aside, this nu-metal movement birthed many of future box participants. The most offensive of these groups originated in Jacksonville, Florida named Limp Bizkit. Fred Durst, the infamous frontman of this group, came up with the name saying, “The name is there to turn people's heads away. A lot of people pick up the disc and go, 'Limp Bizkit. Oh, they must suck.' Those are the people that we don't even want listening to our music." Well, Fred,

He’s loving it.

The song that I am shipping into the desert on this Sunday night was the anthem of 2001. Rollin’ (Air Raid Vehicle) was featured on the aptly named “Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water” and went to the top of the charts, and MTV’s TRL. Ah, TRL you will be written about in the future. The theme of Rollin’(Air Raid Vehicle) consists of childish banter of Limp Bizkit being better than another band or someone else. I’m not sure which. But I know I need to get some better beats, and uh, get some better rhymes - D’oh!. Maybe one day I will strive for better beats and rhymes. Interesting fact: The shots in the video of the band performing on a rooftop were shot on the south tower of the World Trade Center. Now, I could make a comment about pushing the date of the video shoot to a more convenient day, but it may still be "too soon" to make 9-11 jokes. Instead, I'll just leave this here:

For those of you who are with me, play this game I've linked below: "Kill Fred Durst. Hopefully, the link works.






Kill Fred Durst

Oh yeah, here's the video:

-Todd

One, Two Straight in the Kisser!

Hello faithful readers! I bring to you my latest shipment to Abu Dhabi – Chris Brown; the woman beating, lip-synching, arrogant bastard extraordinaire.

As, I’m assuming all of you know, Chris Brown is a R&B artist that is most notably known for his dancing abilities, his singing abilities and his face bashing abilities. He has had such memorable songs as “Run It”, “Kiss, Kiss” and “No Air”. All of which are heavily auto tuned, produced and show little to his actual music abilities. I will give Chris credit for his dancing abilities, he is by far one of the most talented dancers I’ve ever seen – and I’ve seen the Jabbawokeez live and in person.

The main reason I feel that Mr. Brown should be sent to Abu Dhabi stems from his 2008 domestic abuse case in which (for lack of a better term) beat Rhianna’s face in. As far as my knowledge, Chris has never fully accepted responsibility for his actions other than releasing a statement immediately following the incident and releasing a YouTube video apologizing. The statement read “Words cannot express how sorry and saddened I am over what happened.”

First of all, your publicist dream team probably wrote your statement and you probably didn’t even proof read it. Second of all, A YOUTUBE VIDEO!?  That’s about as meaningful as sending a VHS to apologize in 1995. Man up and apologize live, not in front of a flip cam reading what someone else wrote for you to say.

After I wrote this, I discovered that Mr. Brown did go on Larry King and apologize and made a bunch of excuses about his childhood being abusive.  As a professional, I do know that if you are abused as a child you are more likely to repeat the action later in life – however, it doesn’t make it okay.

Let’s fast forward from 2009 to 2011 during an interview were the assault was brought up to Mr. Brown. He stormed off stage, trashed a dressing room and broke a window.  Well, that’s showing you’ve learned to deal with your anger issues. People are going to question you on this for the rest of your career – get used to it.

Personally, in my world, there is no excuse for beating a person (man or woman) to the point that they require hospitalization. It’s one of the most inexcusable acts a person can commit and when it is committed against a person you supposedly love – its past inexcusable, it’s downright disgusting. I cannot image becoming a fan of this man after this all transpired, it’s basically supporting domestic violence.

As One Republic would say, "It's too late to 'pologize". 

-Ashley

**The views expressed in this post are the views of the author (and all sensible human beings**

This Is Life

Allow me to introduce you to Gabriela and Monica Irimia, twin sisters from Romania, better know as The Cheeky Girls. At the height of their fame between 2002 and 2004 they had 4 top ten hits in the UK. I wouldn't exactly call them hits but, hey I guess the UK has a twisted taste in music. They were best know for this debacle.

I am not sure how "Touch my  bum, this is life', makes any sense or gets you a top hit.... BUT HEY.

Since then it has been nothing but a fast decline with major money issues, charges of shoplifting and an appearance on Britain's Got Talent. They did try to make a come back with a Cheeky Girls make-up line aimed at teens but, let's be honest, these two shouldn't be marketing anything towards young people. So lets pack them up for good before anymore damage is done!

You can't see me, because my eyes are closed!

911: "911, what's your emergency?"
Caller: "I feel like I'm being raped, but there's nobody here! Help me!"

"If I were invisible, I would make you mine tonight."
Sounds more like a threat to me than anything, Clay Aiken.

I can't think of many songs that are much creepier than this one. Clay Aiken could have been a superstar, but when his breakout single "Invisible" came out, all anyone could think was that he sounded like a crazed stalker. Abu Dhabi, please take this song and let us have the sweet, personable Clay that America's 99% sure they all voted to be a winner.

-Rebecca

Jan Terri: A music adventure worth losing

Looks like it's my turn to fuel the fire and keep the postal service in business. I have to admit, this is the first time I'm writing about a video/song that almost left me speechless and barely anything to say to cut this thing into pieces. Let's get right to it. This pretty much speaks for itself.

Jan Terri folks. Give it up! Now you're probably asking yourself "what the fuck did I just watch?". I can tell you. Crap. Where do I start with this? Let's start with the production. Home video at it's finest chopped up and edited by somebody who obviously didn't care about this enough to make it worth watching. At all. The song has horribly painful late 80's written all over it. The video and music opens up like we're about to watch "Good Morning (Insert City here)". "What a beautiful day in sunny Chicago everyone!" Here comes the limo, who could it be? No one special, just an amazing hairdo that would even put a poodle to shame. At first I thought this was a friend of my grandmother's, then I realized I don't know anyone with this much of a lack of talent or fashion sense. Where is she going, I have no clue. Now we're in the park. God damn, look at that foupa and that massive belt holding up a sack of rotten potatoes. That's awful. Clearly by her facial reactions, she's a rebel and a force to indeed to be reckoned with at the pizza buffet. She's starting to reminisce about a guy that has a striking resemblance to former WCW Wrestling star Magnum TA. Would that guy hang with a broad this hideous, I wouldn't put it past him. Unless he plays for the other team and is just playing mind games with her. Enough about Magnum TA. How the hell did I come up with that one? Moving on. They attempt to paint a picture of some type of story of heartbreak and uncomfortable motorcycle rides. And yes, that guy parks in the "No Parking zone" because he's a rebel and him parked under the sign confirms this notion along with that wonderful black fringed jacket. Keep watching and you'll see more unsuccessful lip syncing and an excellent shot of a pipe pumping dirty water into that pond. The camera crew has really out done itself this time! Take a break guys, you deserve it right after you decide to make this video watchable, which is never. You're fired. At least Jan Terri looks great. Wrong again. Don't ever work in production again. That's all there really is to this video. Here's the storyline that I've come up with: Terrible. A bunch of unfulfilled walks down the street followed by a bike riding, foupa flashing suck fest. Then she gets on a plane. The end. Abu Dhabi, boy are you going to enjoy this one! And for god sakes, keep it!

-Irish Kev

Allow myself to introduce...myself.

In the wrestling business, there's a locker room custom that states that you are to introduce yourself to everyone that you do not know in said locker room. Without getting into too much detail, not doing this is a giant breach of etiquette, and I've seen instances where people have been singled out for not following this tradition and embarassed to the point that they never returned to the promotion. Hell, WWE even made a gimmick out of it at one point.

That said, you only have to introduce yourself when you're meeting someone for the first time. After that, it's perfectly acceptable to just say hello and continue along.

This brings me to tonight's post, based on someone who just doesn't get that idea.

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to Jason Derulo.  Actually, I take that back - our new friend Jason does a pretty good job of doing that himself.

I'm surprised - I actually thought there were a lot more than three examples when I started writing this post. That's not important, though, as introducing yourself to an audience three times is really more than enough. I mean, really, we got it the first time. The second time? Sure, that doesn't hurt, just to be safe, but that's starting to border on unnecessary. Introducing yourself a third time, though? Now that's just too much. We get it - we know your name, Jason (if I may call you that - I mean, after three introductions, we should really be on a first name basis, as now we're practically best friends). That's not even a creative gimmick to have. All it does is get a horribly autotuned version of some guy's name stuck in your head for what feels like an eternity.

Oh, and did I mention how his music completely sucks? It's as run-of-the-mill as it can possibly be. I've heard more inspired music on episodes of Phineas and Ferb.

In reality, that was an excuse to post a video from Phineas and Ferb (like a 30 year old guy needs one of those!), but seriously - this stuff is FAR more sophisticated that "you're my it girl/baby you're the shit girl." With lines like that, I bet he has to fight the ladies off with a stick!

Or maybe because he has songs on the radio. Yeah, that's more likely.

There's plenty of new people to introduce yourself to in Abu Dhabi, Jason Derulo (said in autotuned tones). Please, go meet them. Leave us all alone.

-Matt

Not to sexy to be shipped.

Formed by English pop band in 1989, the brothers Richard and Fred Fairbrass were seasoned veterans of touring. Shorty after being joined by Robert Manzoli in 1990, the group released their most popular single, “I’m Too Sexy” on Tug reocrds.In Fact, Right Said Fred are the first UK artists since the Beatles to reach the No. 1 slot in the U.S. with a debut single.

I know, right.

I was going to write a dissertation on this song, but I’m just too sexy for this post. Just watch the video and relive the early 90’s commentary on the overzealous fashion industry.

-Todd