The world is full of bad music, and it's about time that someone comes along to isolate it all to one location - Abu Dhabi. Meet nine NEPA 20-somethings concerned with the direction that music is going in, and are hoping to put a stop to it before it gets out of hand.
5'O Clock Tpain, featuring Wiz Kalifa, sampling Lily Allen. What do you know? A perfect storm of things I cannot stand. Submitted for your approval, the worst song burrowing into my ear drums currently.
I am not sure what is worse, Lily Allen's annoying voice, or the equally annoying autotune, or maybe the fact that this song is so sexist, but yet teenagers and yes grown ass women are smitten by this song. Let me break it down for you all.
Once upon a time there was a young gentlemen, He works at a bar/ is a pimp/ maybe just a rapper, maybe just a club rat who knows. Enter the lady in this story, she stays home, per the song, all the time. While he goes out and does his thing. I guess she doesn't like having to stay home, as she keeps texting him that she is horny? and that when he gets home, rather if he comes home early enough , Oh yeah he's going to get some. But later on in the song she gets mad, at him staying out all knight, and begins to doubt his fidelity? I guess.
Enter Lily Allen's sample. which in the context of the song makes no sense, and reminds me a bit of a poor man's version of this.
Not the same mind you, but the town is similar. This does not sound like some broad left at home while her man is out working/ having a good time. Nor does she sound all that horny?
Back to our fairy tale of sorts. So in any case, he is reading her texts, and ignoring them, and she is getting progressively more mad, but still willing to give up sex? i guess in an attempt to get him back home. But alas, all these girls at the club are holding him up, but they are too drunk to go home with. All he can think about is his lady fair sitting up in his bedroom, naked, but wearing one of his chains.
Enter Johnny autotune, aka T-pain, talk about a talent-less fuck I have had just about enough of. Even I get a good laugh out of the t-pain App, however That is all he is, clown shoes. He is the icing on the cake on the death of music. in any case he sings? his little schpeal, pretty much reiterating the aforementioned story line. Lets face facts, hes been auto tuning the crap out of this song from the start, so here comes WIZ. to tell his version of this stupid ass pointless tale. He's drunk, drives home from the club, which closes at 6, but like a gentlemen, he left at 4:30am. Finally could get away from the drunk girls there. He comes home, she's got only his shirt on that he left at her house, and she even left his iphone charger plugged in. So shes asleep, I guess she gave up on getting some tonight. But don't worry, now he's horny and hes going to get some from the floor to the dresser., because "The Sun ain't the only thing coming up" this morning.
Lastly, all she has to say at the end of this fucked up version of sleeping beauty, is " damn babe you woke me up", really? after sleep molestation from your drunk ass fuck buddy. That's all? Last I checked women, did not deem it to be sexed up without their consent, and Ladies don't text a guy, who is too busy with other women begging for sex. So to Abu Dhabi with you. Perhaps by sending you away reparations to the setbacks on women can be made.
ANOTHER THING I am sick of seeing this song be quoted on Facebook. Which brings me to my next post, but that is for another time.
I don't know if we have put Rebecca Black in the box to be shipped off to Abu Dhabi yet. Quite honestly I did not look but, she is going to have to wait. For those of you that are worried trust me I have good reason because Jenna Rose needs to get shipped off first!
Our 12 year old pop starlet sings about owning a brand of jean that are apparently a big deal, such a big deal that Hannah Montana, Ashley Tisdale & Keke Palmer are wearing them too. How this is enough substance to amount to a full song… I am unsure.
"My Jeans" is auto-tuned so much that I am pretty sure that Jenna Rose doesn't sound anything like the finished product. The song also features someone called Baby Triggy and he doesn't really help the situation. I don't know about you but I find it disturbing for kids this young (or anyone quite frankly) to be using phrases like "jack my swag" and "so fresh, so clean, all eyes on me".
If you think your ears can take it, here is the video for My Jeans by Jenna Rose Featuring Baby Triggy
This trend of tween wannabe stars terrifies me and I sure hope to see the end of it. Until then we will just keep throwing them in the box.
A few years back, I saw the musical "Spring Awakening" in its original run. The talent of all of these young actors and singers really blew me away. I always hope that people with this kind significant ability are successful in their own right, but stay true to their craft. Unfortunately, our leading lady that night, Lea Michele, did not do that.
A few years later, I was told that I "MUST" watch "Glee." I have seen bits and pieces, and really can't stand it for quite a few reasons. 1) I was in a Glee Club once, and no one cared about anything we did, let alone thought we were cool for it. 2) They cover songs that suck and somehow make them equally as sucky. I wish the cast of "Glee" would stop making music and get cancelled, but unfortunately, the music cover show is popular among people of all ages. Because the majority of the people out there would rather watch someone like Lea Michele sing Katy Perry tunes instead of something like this.
Abu Dahbi, please take this group of 30 year old teenagers and keep them forever.
I, Christian Elliott Decker, 26 year old married man, payer of rent, 40 hour a week job haver & tax playing citizen, enjoy ska music.
Pick it up Mother Fucker.
It all started in high school, and I had gone threw all of my phases at one point. I was into straight up rock music at one point (which at the time was a lot of LIMP BIZKIT) then I did the retro 90's phase of listening to nothing but Nirvana, Alice In Chains and Mudhoney (because if I learned one thing, listening to those cool bands from Seattle that didn't make it was a good way to score scene points). I slowly got into a Dave Matthews transitioning into indie rock (around the time the band "The Vines" were cool) and right before I dove right into that indie rock pool, a friend of mine asked me "Hey man, you like SKA~!?" I answered with "Yeah...it's pretty good" - fast forward 2 years later I was literally getting measure for my CHECKER BOARD TATTOO before I realize I did not have the cash to get said tattoo. Being in a ska band and being surrounded by the scene puts you in the position to listen to some of the best and worst bands in the genre. I'll never forget going to Bloomfield Ave Cafe to see The Arrogant Sons of Bitches which was a precursor to Bomb The Music Industy! which is going strong right now, and just being amazed at how awesome A.S.O.B was, only to remember early in the night seeing one of the worst bands (and Ska related puns) ever; Pirates of the SKAribbean.
In between the best and the worst that night, there was one other band that played. They were a Wisconsin band by the name of I Voted for Kodos (a name taken from a quite popular Simpsons "Treehouse of Horror" episode). I had believe it or not heard of this band, due to the pivotal ska website www.turnuptheska.com which was a site where the bands songs were just listed...you pick a song you wanna hear....and over your winamp music player the song would play after other people's songs were done playing. This website was a very very very early sort of Slacker Radio in many ways. Anyhow, I had heard them through this medium, and of course my 17 year old self was really into their popular concert anthems like "She Hates Ska" "Pastaroni" "Where Are We Going To" & "Todd."
So after seeing them live and enjoying dancing in circle pits and so on, I went to their merch table and I bought their debut album "Close Enough For Ska" and their EP "Not Penis Cream." I was so excited about having seen these guys. A fun live show, cool merch, great stories, the things that great concerts are made of. These CDs became a staple of my iPod for the next few years my computer was wiped and I never added it back on...until I added them back the other day. Now 7 years since seeing them in concert, I listened to that first album, the one that go me hooked to their music and I realized...
THEY ARE OBSESSED WITH REEL BIG FISH.
LEGIT...THEY WROTE A SONG ABOUT IT.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with liking a band and trying to emulate their style. I personally always, when writing ska or reggae tunes, emulated a lot from the band The Slackers just due to how they articulate the horns and the rhythm section and their lyrics. Plenty of famous musicians have been inspired by other musicians. Without Bob Marley, there would be no Sublime, without The Beatles we wouldn't have Oasis, without Dr. Demento we wouldn't have "Weird" Al Yankovic. The list goes on and on. But in all of these cases, not one of them wrote a song about BEING THE LEAD SINGER OF THE BAND.
Exhibit A- "Wish I Was Aaron"
and all the kids are jumping up and down been so long since I've seen a rude boy in this town 'cause he traded in his strips for a Hawaiian shirt he's got his new Doc Martin's to kick the dirt, well I'm not old school (but I still wear my chucks) Probably always will ('cause our band really sucks) Want to make it big (is that so bad?) Want to be Reel Big Fish
Wish I was Aaron, I'd take the stage All the little girl's would be amazed And the kids would listen to every word I say Wish I was Aaron (and I wish I was Scott)
.....the song continues like this the whole rest of time, occasionally spitting out random RBF lyrics in turn with their own song. And it just get's creepy after a while. And the worst part is that this isn't even the first Reel Big Fish reference on the album. There's one earlier which is way less creepy but still, calling out some dude in a band by his first name without knowing him is still strange. And besides there is already a Reel Big Fish rip-off band.
Anyone order a ska band of Theater Majors? Anyone?
Also I noticed something else. One of the standout songs is a internet love story full of all the fun computer lingo that you could handle in one song.
Exhibit B- "HTTP://www.dumped.com"
But then you didn't LOL anymore
You didn't BRB for more And every time talked You always seemed to get, disconnected (yeah right)
I can still remember, when I got your e-mail,
Subject I'm seeing another guy You said he was six foot two, Two hundred twenty five pounds, but his profiles probably a lie All night long I cried and wept, it hurt like a deep cut I hope he gives you some type of horrible virus you cyber slut
I'm going to fill all of your inboxes with spam
I'm going to disable your norton virus scan You're going to live to regret this for many years Because you messed with an engineer
Http://www.dumped.com
If that wasn't bad enough. the chorus repeats the URL address. as in...
"AYECH TEE TEE PEE COLON SLASH SLASH DOUBLEUDOUBLEUDOUBLEU DOT DUMPED DOT CAHM"
Have you ever tried to say 3 Ws in a row? If you are just saying the URL from the Ws and the word in the middle only having one consonant, you can say the address in a not 4/4 time scheme.
BUT WHEN YOU FUCKING SAY THE WHOLE THING OUT YOUR Ws SOUND LIKE YOU HAVE MARBLES IN YOUR FUCKING MOUTH. IT SOUNDS LIKE WW.DUMPED.COM
Not exactly marbles but you get the idea.
So these two things specifically drove me fucking nuts listening to this album. And than once you find little cuts in the fabric, things start to become unraveled. I start listening to how their horns sound. Their alto was too loud, how the tone on their guitar sounds, how the lyrics on one song are super serious, and then the next song is about a girl in his Calc Lecture class. I hate back and forth feelings of total WACKINESS and then deathly serious. And in the genre of Pop-Ska, there are so many other bands that I still listen to that just do it so much better.
In the end, what my real problem I think was after I saw the concert in 2005, they quickly changed genres. They became a Power Pop band, released one more full length of Power Pop shit, and even than STILL referencing Reel Big Fish with the first track on the album called "Turn The Radio On". They alienated their fan base (me included) and they broke up in 2007. Very much a story of a band for lack of a better term "selling out" trying to make more money by following another scene. It made me bitter cause I liked them a lot. But listening back now I can honestly say they were not very good. But it takes me back to that day of being in that small punk rock club, skankin' like a mofo, singing along every word of most of the bands there and just enjoying my late teenagehood.
I guess when it comes right down to it, I am throwing "Close Enough For Ska"-The entire album by I Voted For Kodos in their because, even though it's an independent album on an independent label, it's still really not that good. It is littered with things that make the ska scene bad. Terrible references to rude boys and Vans sneakers. A shout out to The Specials, and plenty of "Pick it up's" to make all those Jamaican MC's happy. Along with other great teenage drama issues like lonliness and being in the friend zone, which was something that my recently graduated self in 2005 could still understand. But if you just want to listen to songs in the same genre, do yourself a favor and check out the "Real" thing: Reel Big Fish, Five Iron Frenzy, Save Ferris, Goldfinger, MU330, Catch 22. And if you ask me, if you wanna check out real good ska still, definitely check out The Slackers, David Hillyard and the Rocksteady 7, Chris Murray, Bomb The Music Industry! Streetlight Manifesto, The Planet Smashers and of course The Pietasters. So Committee, throw IV4K in the box....but let me keep my copy. I may wanna relive those memories occasionally.
Welcome to the Committee's first post for National Blog Posting Month, or, as abbreviated, NaBloPoMo. Try saying that five times fast. Hell, try saying it once. I bet you can't.
Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a huge fan of rap, but there are two kinds that I do enjoy as a guilty pleasure: rap songs that don't take themselves seriously at all, and rap songs that take themselves way too seriously.
Tonight's entry falls under the second category.
Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to Mystikal. At the turn of the century, Mystikal made his name with the "hit" (which will come into play later, trust me) "Shake Ya Ass," or, as known in the radio-friendly profanity-free world, "Shake It Fast." This song is infamous for its instructions to shake your ass, but watch yourself, which in reality, is VERY hard to do.
In this post, we'll look at the second single from the record.
This gem is called "Danger (Been So Long)," and featured the up-and-coming-meaning-never-heard-from-again R&B singer Nivea. The video begins with Mystikal wandering through the desert, seemingly trying to find his way out. This is an intense, dangerous situation, and he lets you know of this by SCREAMING AS LOUD AS HE CAN INTO THE CAMERA OVER AND OVER AGAIN. And as if the screaming wasn't enough, he makes sure to strike some really weird poses while yelling. That's gotta be way too much exertion for someone who's trying to get out of the desert alive.
For the record, I'd try to tell you what the song is about, but I can't understand a single word the guy says, other than "WATCH YO'SELF!" which ties it to "Shake Ya Ass" and makes me wonder what his fascination with people watching themselves is.
My exertion theory is proven as Mystikal falls face-first into the sand. Is he dead? No, I don't think so. Is the song at least over? Nah, we're not that lucky. Instead, some girl (scantily-clad, of course - I mean, this IS the desert) shows up on a motorcycle to bring our hero to safety. Here, they encounter more danger, as I'm sure that driving a motorcycle on sand is not safe. She brings him to this very-well-populated-for-being-in-the-middle-of-the-desert bar, which, of course, has about eight thousand hookers in it. And of course, they all want to grind all over Mystikal, which is a request he fulfills. There's more shouting and mumbling, perhaps about one of his concerts? He claims there's a crowd around the block - maybe that's just for refunds due to people who realized they bought a ticket to see Mystikal. As for his music, he is sure to clarify that "if I tell you it's a hit, then that's just what it is!"
Here, I thought I knew music better than that.
This whole thing wraps up with Mystikal awakening in the desert, realizing that the whole thing was a mirage. It's unfortunate that I can't do the same. Abu Dhabi is within spitting distance of a great number of deserts, so this one should feel right at home there.
Well, well, hello folks and welcome to another installment of "Box to Abu Dhabi" brought to you by Irish Kev and boy oh boy have I got a gem for you! If you haven't seen this yet, wait no more! I'll just fire this baby off to you first, then I'll break it down for you...Brace Yourselves..You've been warned!
Holy mother of God. Did you get through all of that? If you did, congrats! If not, I truly don't blame you.The video starts out, with some guy sleeping on what looks to be a decently mopped checkerboard floor in a diner. What this represents in the beginning of the video, I wish there was some type of explanation, especially once you find out what exactly the song is about. No folks don't keep scratching your head, you'll carve the skin away, this whole video's a mystery leaving you pondering about many things. Just go with it. Oh snap here comes that dope ass hook, Yea. Uh. Yea. Whoa, look at these..gangstas? This T-Baby character looks familiar. I think I've seen her in my neighborhood slapping the shit out of her kid while walking him to the bus stop the other day. Anyway, looks like we have an awful attempt at a soulful chorus. Here I'm getting the notion that she thought up this part while in the shower. It didn't sound good then, didn't sound good when they recorded after. Or ever for that matter."Dead in the water"is the saying I will confidently label the chance of this song from any type of spot in a top 40 hip-hop chart, even 400. Moving along. Okay let's get this scene out of the way. Queue the traditional spilling of the 40's for their dead homies in 3..2..1..there we go. What? No 40 ounce bottles? Are those fucking dixie cups? Look, I know your budget probably wasn't that huge for this, but for a couple extra bucks you could have grabbed more than one bottle, hell maybe a big ass pack of those red plastic cups. I'm sure these ladies are far from weather forecasters but wherever "The D" is accurately located, but it does indeed sound like it's cold there. It's apparently there because her friends were killed in or on the streets. to know this was to supposed to be a serious memorial tribute song, sends chills down my spine. By the time you get halfway through this video you're wondering if their fallen friends and family are willing to rise from the great beyond to put a stop to this seemingly painful song AND video. Unfortunately we're all not that lucky. May I also point out that one of the lyrics in this song has her reminiscing of her and her friend "hanging and banging" which blatantly insinuates she is a possible hoe, or some of my friends would call a "chicken head". Yep, she looks like a chicken head alright. That or the Predator's sister. That's your opinion. Maybe just mine, I don't know. Moving along. You then see her and her friends dancing sluggishly to this continually annoying beat put together by a Casio keyboard and broken rhymes put in front of it. Talk about salt for your wounds, but yes you must admit you can't look away, much like a train wreck. If you keep your eye on the kid in the video, he stops dancing and starts talking to girl next to him. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that he's probably asking her when he could stop dancing in that random graveyard. Poor kid, it'll be over soon buddy. If you're even still listening to the song itself, the "rapping" isn't even in pace with the song anymore, and at this point, she's just talking. If you stuck around long enough for this whole video, you're on the floor laughing like I was.Well, that's all there is to this ballad of bad hooks, lyrics, timing, video quality, and entire time spent putting this abomination together.Oh well, all's well that ends well I suppose. Off to the desert wastelands you go! Peace out homies!
