During the research of my first contribution to the “Box to Abu Dhabi,” I mulled over the endless amount of content that deserves to be here. Among the scent of stale popcorn, and mindless, repetitive trivia projected onto the screen while waiting for a movie to commence, I noticed a familiar combination of chords. The first few bars of the handpicked guitar start quietly, almost innocently, which then leads to the grating, seizure-inducing, primitive snarl emanating from the "singer." Soon, those wretched sound waves set the cascade of events by vibrating my eardrum and transmitting the information to my brain, I knew I had stumbled upon my first endeavor.
Back in the late 90s, in the sun-washed, murky swamps of Tallahassee, Florida, the seeds were planted for founding members, Scott Stapp and Mark Tremonti, to establish their abhorrent, worthless excuse for a band, Creed. Before an alligator could bite a hand off, or a hurricane destroy their equipment, they unleashed the wrath upon the ears of the ignorant American public.
Their destiny was set early on when they originally named the band, “Naked Toddler.” (I'm not making this up.) One would assume that having a name like that would be a violation of the Florida Statute 847.001(3) which is defined as: “’Child pornography’ means any image depicting a minor engaged in sexual conduct.” Unfortunately for the rest of the world, they were not immediately cuffed and assigned a prison cell. Too bad.
Look at these guys, seriously
Now to the topic at hand: Why “With Arms Wide Open” deserves to be in the box to Abu Dhabi. This pseudo-Christian, semi-spiritual modern rock band released their sophomore effort, “Human Clay,” in the Fall of the year 1999, and those of us hoping for the album to dissolve into music history were greatly disheartened. “With Arms Wide Open” hit the airwaves as a single in the year 2000, and subsequently won a Grammy Award in 2001. This hollow opus about a man surprised to find out that he would become a father is quickly overshadowed by his love of himself. The lyrics are so boring, and uninspired that his excitement about this fact is lost on the audience. This joyous occasion is not only marred by the total lack of intuitive lyrics, but also the repetitive and predicable structure of the song. The shallowness of the lyrics, coupled with the lack of musical talent in the band creates a song that is utterly unlistenable. The studio where this song has been recorded should be burned to sediment, and the grounds quarantined so that future generations will not be inspired to write a similar tune.
Finally, not only is the song unbelievably horrific, the video that accompanied the video is full of pretentious douchebags dressed in leather jackets in a fake thunderstorm who obviously have a god-complex. Toward the end, I was hoping for some gracious soul to just push Scott Stapp over the edge, or at least take a bat to one of his knees. Lightning would've been a god-send. I'm actually thinking about suing this band for reparations for the crimes against humanity after the release of this song. Unfortunately, they have reunited and released a new album in 2009. Watch the video below in order to understand the downright triviality of this song, and subsequently, this band.
I submit this for your approval to be included in the Box to Abu Dhabi.
-Todd
No comments:
Post a Comment