The world is full of bad music, and it's about time that someone comes along to isolate it all to one location - Abu Dhabi. Meet nine NEPA 20-somethings concerned with the direction that music is going in, and are hoping to put a stop to it before it gets out of hand.
I would first like to thank those who gave their lives and those who are fought and are fighting for our great nation. Both of my late Grandfathers fought in WWII and my Dad served in the National Guard, I have nothing but the utmost respect for soldiers, and their families. This post is by no means to be Anti-American or Anti-Troops, it's truly based on the awfulness of these songs!
However, I must add this song to the box. Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (Angry American) by Toby Keith is, to me, the manifestation of redneck.
Now, don't get me wrong, when this song came out after 9/11 - I loved it. In fact, the lyrics were posted on my bedroom wall and I knew all the words. However, I was horribly misguided.
I sat here, for almost 20 minutes, trying to figure out how to put into words just how bad this song is and why.
I couldn't. It's just bad. It's almost as bad as another country song... Have you Forgotten? by Darryl Worley.
I would like to start off this portion of my post as saying - No, I haven't forgotten. I'm reminded almost everyday and for over 72 hours during the week leading up to the anniversary. Further more, it doesn't make me a bad American to not remember it everyday, it makes me an American that hasn't let the terrorists change me.
So, a few weeks ago, I found out that some of my favorite bands, like Less Than Jake, the Street Dogs, and Set Your Goals, are playing on the Warped Tour this year. Now, being almost 30 years old, I fully recognize that I'm getting to be a bit too old to go to an all-day punk festival, but regardless, I was considering bringing myself out of Warped Tour retirement for one year to go check it out.
That is, until I saw some of the other bands who are playing this year. Being someone who's willing to give the other bands a chance (I mean, seriously, I'm paying how much to go to this thing? I may as well check out what the other acts have to offer), I sat down and went through the list of bands to see what else may interest me throughout the day.
The answer: not very much.
The first band I decided to investigate was Blood on the Dance Floor. When I first clicked on their song, "Death To Your Heart," I won't lie to you - I expected to hear something horrible. What I expected, though, was some shitty screamo metalcore band that has breakdowns in their breakdowns and a dude who sounds like he's gargling with mouthwash rather than singing (though, don't worry - those bands are coming up).
What I got was something completely different. Sure, they had all the shitty tattoos I was expecting, but instead of endless breakdowns, I heard equally terrible synthesizers and more makeup than a Lady Gaga interview segment. I'm not even sure what this is supposed to be - is it pop? is it techno? It's certainly not punk, and it's most definitely terrible. It definitely made me want to leave someone's blood on the dance floor - theirs. I dare you to make it through this entire video without wanting to hit someone.
Not to be outdone, Epitaph Records (yes, the same label that has had punk rock legends like Bad Religion, Rancid, and NOFX amongst their ranks) provided the horribly-named I Set My Friends on Fire to the tour this year. I decided to listen to one of their songs, figuring it couldn't be much worse than what I had just heard.
It starts out with that same Nintendo-like synthesizer line like Blood on the Dance Floor, but then mixes it with the angsty screaming one would expect from electronic music...or something. It's almost passable at moments, but then you remember that the song is called "Things That Rhyme With Orange" (like storange, and florange, clearly) and that for some reason, a furry has decided to save the young couple from their jock-tormented afternoon. There's so much wrong with this, I'm not even sure I have room here to describe it all.
That's because I had to make room for Winds of Plague. I promised you gargling, and now here it is. I've always wondered how someone is able to make themselves growl for minutes, seemingly on command, with no repercussions to their regular speaking voice.
It is obvious from this epic that 1) I'm hanging out in all the wrong places, as Vanilla Ice look-alikes who have frogs in their throats know how to party, and 2) their pit at Warped Tour is going to be brutal, just like their set. And by brutal, I mean brutal to have to sit through.
Congrats to Abu Dhabi, as you now have enough bands to have a Warped Tour of your own! And don't worry, you'll still get variety - I'm sure there'll be more than enough bad things to send your way for years to come.
I think I am going to take a page out of Matt's playbook here and throw something in the box by an Artist that I enjoy a lot. I know what it feels like to have a particular artist be the "be all, end all" for yourself. As a guitar player and a songwriter, the field is very wide with people that I consider some of the greats. Neil Young, as some would call him "The Godfather of Grunge", played a significant role for me as a teen when I was into a lot of the alternative music scene. He was accepted by them, so I dived deep into his library of music and found just some great classic tracks that are still fantastic to this day. As I become an adult, Paul Simon is also another name that springs to mind. When I was younger, Simon and Garfunkel really didn't do it for me, but I don't know if I have matured, or if I just get it now, but Paul Simon's music really just does it for me. But one guy has them all beat on my end when it comes to just everything.
Hey look, it's Bruce.
Yes, when it comes down to it, I am as big of a Bruce Springsteen fan as it gets. I'm sure some people can say I bring it up at nausea sometimes. But it's just that I found him out in a point in my life where I could actually relate to the things that he was saying. As goofy as that phrase always sounds, it really was true.
So I guess this brings me to the hard part. I don't know if my distaste for this one song is bad that I just want to eliminate it from Bruce's roster of songs. If the fact that this is sometimes the only Springsteen song you will hear on some radio stations, and I'd kill for some "Rosalita" or "Blinded by the Light (the original, not the Manfred Mann bullshit)" on these stations. Maybe it has something to do with me not liking artists to specifically trying new things to see how they sound. Or maybe its the fact that after I hear the chorus, I feel like I wanna throw myself off a bridge for getting it stuck in my head.
I'm sorry to have to post this. But my entry into the box...is Pink Cadillac.
The B-side of the Dancing in the Dark single, Pink Cadillac is the worst FUCKING Springsteen song in his whole library. And that's saying a lot. This is coming from the same artist that gave us "Lucky Town".
So.....gonna rock the Terminator 2 shades eh Bruce?
Be that as it may. Pink Cadillac hits you like a bad nostalgia trip. The rockabilly styled guitar that would make Brian Setzer blush, he spends the entire time comparing the girl to the car, and the car to the girl, back and forth and back and forth. At this rate I listen to the song and say to myself, "I liked it better the first time, when it was called Thunder Road....and Born to Run....and Racing In The Streets....and the video for I'm on Fire....and Incident on 57th Street...AND EVERY OTHER FUCKING SONG YOU'VE WROTE!"
But do you know all I hear on some radio stations....
I love you for your Pink Cadillac, crushed velvet seats
riding in the back, oozing down the street
waving to the girls, feeling out of sight
spending all my money on a Saturday night
honey I just wonder what you do there in the back of your Pink Cadillac, Pink Cadillac
Maybe I'm just bitter cause I'd love to hear other awesome Bruce stuff on the radio, but I just can't stand this song, and If I had to get rid of one of his to rid the world of, and I had to choose, Abu Dhabi enjoy this, cause I will be happy never seeing that fucking car ever again.
**Note I am aware "Pink Cadillac" was released on the "Tracks" album, but you know what I mean.**
-Chris
I would like to start this post by saying just about any "music" that comes from American Idol can most definitely be put in the box. And in reality, I would love to shove the whole damn show in the box, however; the box is for music and not television.
At this moment, I have decided to single out just one song in particular. I truly feel it belongs in the box, if only because it sounds like she is singing about going to get some Carrabba's halfway through the song. Honestly, the song is nothing more than a mediocre attempt at pleasing Idol fans and I don't think it even accomplishes that.
You may want to trade your armor for some earplugs to endure Battlefield by Jordin Sparks.
So it's been a slow mail week here at Committee Headquarters. However, I think we've saved up enough cash to ship a new song out, and trust me, as far as songs go, it's the #1 Contender for the Abu Dhabi Box Heavyweight Championship.
Before 2007, Finger Eleven was only really known for their song "One Thing," which I will forever know as the "Chris Benoit Killed His Family and Then Hung Himself" song because of its use in the video tribute package to him on Raw the night he was found dead. Somehow, this is not the worst thing they've done to music, as they managed to produce a song worse than a Nicholas Cage look-alike sloppily diving onto five wrestlers on a roller rink floor.
The name of the song is "Paralyzer," and unless you've been thankfully living under a rock somewhere and have been able to miss it, you know it well. Practically every radio station in the world started playing this one seemingly every hour on the hour when it first hit the airwaves in 2007, despite how absolutely terrible it truly is. The song tells the story of a man who goes to a club...and hates it. He suffers from the worst case of wallflower syndrome I've ever heard, as he sulks in the corner of the club, anti-socially watching everyone else have a good time. It's clear that he should have stayed home, as he even notes himself: "I should just stay home/if one thing really means one," which I'm sure has some kind of profound meaning.
Just then, he finds some attractive woman on the other side of the bar, and starts to imagine what going home with her, or to his house, or apparently just some dark place would be like. I guess then it's OK to be at this club, as he is now distracted.
To sum it up, here's how the song goes: "hey, this place SUCKS. Why am I even here? I'm so angsty, and I can't stand being around happiness. Oh, hey, you're cute."
And then, the video makes absolutely no sense. I mean, as bad as the story is, the song at least tells one that can be transferred into an almost-watchable (for the blind, at least) music video. But no, instead, they go out and get some dude and some chick, put them in suits, and then have them dance and spawn other people to dance with them while they do it. Where are these people coming from? Why are they dancing so awkwardly?
Remember the last time a video told a nonsensical story that had people randomly dancing for no reason? Yeah, that one's pretty much remembered as a joke, too.
In conclusion, you can make all the "I'm winning the belt!" motions you want around your waist, Finger Eleven, but the only title that "Paralyzer" is winning can be found in Abu Dhabi.
So, I have been a fan of the Dropkick Murphys for over ten years now. I first heard them when the DJ who was on before me at King's would play Barroom Hero to end his show every week, and I did my best to track down every song and album I possibly could afterwards. I even went on two separate occasions to see them for St. Patrick's Day weekend in their hometown of Boston.
That said, there's no way that I can justify admitting that this song is a part of their catalog.
The song is a little gimmicky, and that generally doesn't bother me, so that's not the main problem here. The problem is really what this song made the band become. Thanks to The Departed, "I'm Shipping Up To Boston" became the theme for every brosnake that decided they were suddenly punk rockers, and therefore had to throw their weight around in the pit when they heard the only DKM song they knew.
That alone has made this song absolutely unbearable. I mean, I don't condone wearing the "punk rock uniform," but you kinda stick out like a sore thumb in the pit if you have a Miller Lite in your hand and a pink polo shirt with the collar popped.
The content doesn't help. I mean, what pirate loses their leg and goes to Boston to find it? It's not even mentioned anywhere that that's where the pirate lost his leg to begin with! If the band can't remember where the leg was lost to report about it in the song, then this can't be a very competent pirate. I can't imagine this pirate is good at robbing ships or training a parrot or other important pirate things.
What's worse than that is that the song is played everywhere, even in places where it's not fitting. For example, the Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Penguins were coming out onto the ice to the song for the first period of some home games this season, and I have to question why. I mean, if these guys get called up, they're actually shipping off to Pittsburgh, which is a FAR cry from Boston.
Ironically enough, Pittsburgh actually does have pirates. Maybe the song is a better fit for the Pens.
I can understand the song getting played at Providence Bruins games, or maybe Pawtucket Red Sox games...but when the Golden State Warriors come out to the court to the song, I'd be willing to say the trend is getting a little carried away.
Also, the band is expected to use the song for every promotional piece they do, even if they have a song that fits the situation better. Why did they play the song at the Winter Classic in 2010 when they have a song about the Bruins that would have worked a lot better? They have SEVEN OTHER ALBUMS! Let them show it off a little!
Congratulations, Dropkick Murphys. You officially have a song that's shipping up to Abu Dhabi. I hope it finds its peg leg when it gets there.
