Rated X for "X-tra terrible"

I bring you what I believe to be the worst song of 2011, “Brown Chicken Brown Cow” by (who was at one time one of my favorite country artists) Trace Adkins.  Trace is responsible for some great songs, many of them kitschy, but this absolutely “buys the farm.” The entire premise of the song is two lovers that run off to the barn to get freaky with one another – I say freaky because they’re apparently into having animals watch them.

Yeah, I know...I'm pretty disgusted too.

In the video, the 2 main characters and all of the farm animals just happen to be puppets. If Jim Hensen were alive he would not be impressed and I fully expect to see his Zombie incarnation come and find the producers of this video, but not eat their brains – because they’re not worth it.

So anyway, these two lovers run off to the barn, and in the process, put off all of their chores (“The tractor’s stopped!” Oh no!) so they can get it on “with no one watching”…or so Trace Adkins thinks.  In this scenario, our couple has a captive audience in the form of chickens and cows.This brings us to the “joke” (a term which I use loosely) in the song – if you say “brown chicken brown cow” at just the right pace, it sounds an awful lot like the stereotypical “bow chicka bow wow” porn music riff that teenagers have mocked (or, in reality, sang like it’s cool) for generations.  Get it?  They’re having sex!  In the barn!  With chickens and cows watching!  In the barn!  It’s so funny!

Or, in this case, it’s not funny at all.  Trace is capable of so much more, yet he came out with this pile of garbage.  Submitted for your approval - "Brown Chicken Brown Cow," by Trace Adkins.  I sure hope there’s a barn this song can run off to in Abu Dhabi, so that it can hide even better from the locals there, who should not be subjected to it.

-Ashley